Portland Children's Museum

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Here's what happened: We planned to go to the Captain Bogg and Salty show at the Portland Children's Museum. I checked the website on the Wednesday before to check the show times and didn't see anything about needing tickets. Thursday was Valentines day and I didn't even use my computer. Friday, well you probably read about the miscarriage already, needless to I was a little preoccupied on Friday and Saturday actually. On Sunday I tried to rejoin the land of the living and I had been holding on to the idea of a trip on Monday to lift my spirits and help me pretend everything was ok. I was really looking forward to the concert at this point and checked my wallet for my museum membership card, since I never have to show it at home, to find it expired on Sunday the 17th and the concert was on Monday the 18th. I had to spend $100 to renew right away ($100) so we could get into the show in Portland. I double checked the eatalime website Sunday night and saw that there were ticket required for the concert but museum was long closed but this hour. By the time I got to bed, I was only allowed 3 hour before we needed to be up to leave in the morning. We left around 6am to head to Portland.

The trip is 5 hrs long. Doug was driving and got pulled over on the way down and incurred a speeding ticket ($128). We finally arrived at the museum and spent half an hour looking for parking. When we finally got into the museum I was told the concerts sold out on Friday and we were just out of luck. NO SHIT! That really explains it all for me. I seem to be out of luck. I cried, I just turned around was walked out of the door. Doug and Robin had ran back to the car to get a banana so I met him there and told him about it. We were both very glad that we didn't hype the concert to robin and waited for it to be a surprise to him, he didn't have to experience the disappointment I did. It was just too much for me. I really wanted to forget myself in happy kids bouncing along to music. Maybe it's for the best that we couldn't go to the concert.

Actually at the pirate festival I had an embarrassing moment childbearing related. We have gotten pictures with robin and the band members for Robin's memory book, Dallas' too now and we were waiting for a photo with the Drummer (Robin pretends he's Ramshackle more often than any other member)and his wife and kids came up and were talking to him. I just blanked out, I don't even know how many kids he has or really how many kids were standing there, I only know I had a daydream of what life would have been like if I hadn't lost out first baby. He would have been around 4, probably about the age of the little kid standing in front of me. I remember thinking we probably would have had three kids by then. I felt like crying. I don't remember thinking that before and I was profoundly sad. Suddenly I was snapped back to the reality of my body with Dave standing there looking a me with a "what the hell do you want" look on his face. It took me a split second to figure out where I was and what I was doing. I wanted to run away and hide. That moment has haunted me for some reason, not the realization of loss but the fact that someone I don't really know but who I will see again thinks I'm some lunatic at best. (Did I also mention that the Pirate Festival happened to fall on the last day of my two week trip alone with the kids that involved a total of 5 airplanes the need to fly in to Portland from Sacramento and I had not slept in 36 hrs on day one of the festival and only had 6 hrs the night before day two? I'm sure I looked like a zombie since I certainly felt like one, honestly I probably scared him)

Anyway, we went to the zoo first and decided it would cause less trauma for Robin if he never heard the concert he couldn't attend. The zoo was ok, it was pretty busy there too. We went last year, yes you guessed it; for a CB&S concert and not much had changed. Last time we didn't ride the train and this time we did, Robin really liked it but it was quite cold and I ended up nursing both kids while they were huddled under the podegi for warmth.

At 3:30 we figure it was likely safe to go to the children's museum so we walked across the parking lot to with the promise to Robin that he could soon run wild. And run wild he did. You'll notice that in the photo Dallas is holding still watching Robin moving so fast he's just a blur!

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