Just falling from my head...

I'm grateful for:
✿ Wearing jammies all day - It makes it just that much easier to go to bed at night.
✿ Take out - on days like today I cherish the discovery of Chinese take out we all like.
✿ Amazon food subscriptions -my case of wheat/dairy/soy free Pamela's cookies came today! The price is half off buying them at Safeway.
✿ Not following in my mothers foot steps. - My sister is going through a tough time because she makes the same mistake our mom did, loving liars. It's an unconscious choice my sister makes, she's attracted to jerks but at least she has the sense to leave when she finds out they have been cheating. I'm grateful I didn't choose that path. It looks sad and lonely.
✿ I found today's newspaper useful - it has become more and more rare that the local paper has been useful for much more than lining the bird cage. Today however I while skimming the paper, and I always do on Thursdays for the hike of the week there was actually things worth reading. Don't ask me what, I'm too tired to remember now but I remember being interested.


For the second day in a row Dallas woke us up crying and wouldn't go back to sleep. The day involved a lot of blowing up at each other followed by apologizing. Nap time was a battle of wills. It at 2 PM but sleep didn't happen until 5:45 and we slept until 7:45. They didn't fall asleep in their own beds but only on top of me after I had given up and said we could get up and go down stairs. Doug got home nearly an hour later around 8:45. A gas main had been broken in Seattle and he was stuck at a stop on the train waiting for the tracks to clear for the longest time. Tomorrow will be a day of catch up before the weekend starts. Friday is movie night and Robin has already requested Fiddler on the Roof so I will get almost 4 hrs to work. I'm looking forward to Saturday and the Mardi Gras celebration!

Doug was reading Robin a book today that had peafowl in it. When Robin saw the picture of the male peacock he was so excited. He told us when he was a big boy, before he was Robin, he lived with his grandma and they had peacocks. It was said in a strange matter of fact way. It's not the first time he had seen a peacock either. There is one that roams around the zoo that we have seen.

Later he started talking about his horse that took him to school but it was two wild and he had to get rid of it but he loved the horse and he was so sad.

Today while serving breakfast which involves a lot of back and forth between the kids and the pan of steel cut oats, I noticed that Dallas' face looked pretty red. Doug was working from home and standing a the counter on his computer and I asked him to check Dallas out too. His cheeks were red, the bridge of his nose was red, his neck was red too. There was no way he could have ingested any allergens yet since he had only eaten some freeze dried peas, a common snack here and his steel cut oats with raisins, coconut oil and OJ and we eat this all the time. We took off his clothes to see if maybe he was reacting to a spider bite or something and his arms were red and so were his legs and the trunk of his body was splotchy red. I was very concerned.

I haven't ever turned red like that but have had hives before but for me it has always been accompanied with difficulty breathing. I have gotten hives as a reaction to antibiotics. Dallas had no signs that he was having any trouble breathing. Doug has had hives that have turned his body red before due to stress. He said it looked just like what Dallas had. For Doug, he was taken to the emergency room and they gave him epinephrine and Benadryl. In my case just Benadryl. We don't use medications very often but I do keep Benadryl in the cupboard because once you have your throat start to close up on you, you will not want to be without the antidote for it. I go to find the Benadryl and it turns out we have a bottle of hard tablets and a bottle of liquid that expired in May of 2002, both only for adults. We decide to get the kids ready to go to the store, we would buy and give him some Benadryl and if he didn't turn back to normal we would go to the hospital.

I had stop getting the kids ready to nurse Warren and I got the idea to pump some milk for Dallas and see if that helped. I pumped almost two ounces and put it in a sippy cup for Dallas. He was happy to drink it down and within two minutes the redness in his face and the trunk of his body started to fade. By the time we were able to get everyone in the car his arms and legs were also back to normal color. I wish I knew what caused it and if it was the breast milk that cured him or if it was coincidence. I feel like I helped him either way and I'm so glad he's ok. I do wish I knew what caused it. He didn't sleep well the night before so that could have been it I suppose.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Having my own forest to explore - Robin, Dallas and I went out to pick up sticks to make a fire pit for Saturday evening. We are going to try and clear the floor of the woods and grow some grown cover for the goats to munch since they have taken out the blackberries in that area
✿ Casey sitting on my feet - He's 6 yrs old 100 lbs and still thinks he's a puppy. He will sit and stay pretty well. He does however feel like he needs to site between me and the kids while I'm still holding the kids hands! He kept running off to check on the goats and I can't really fault that since he is the livestock guardian.
✿ Dallas' compassion - He will kiss anything he thinks might be a hurt. He is so concerned with how everyone else is doing. Robin fell down outside and got a sticker stuck in his hand and Dallas was very worried about him. If he tosses a toy and it lands near you he will come and kiss you to make sure your ok. When Warren cries he comes up and tells him "is k, is k." while patting him and kissing him.
✿ Doug cleaning up the little toys - he moved some furniture and put away every toy he found. I know this takes a lot of time to do, I'm the one who usually does it and I am grateful that he did it for me.
✿ Getting to over hear my kids bath tub conversations They have rubber duckies, frogs and dolphins and they were having talking with each other. The big ones were the mom and dad (Robin) and they were telling the little ones were the kids(Dallas) about bath safety and rules such as: take care of each other and don't let the little brothers fall under the water, keep the water in the tub, look up when mama washes your hair and Dallas played the part of the kids just saying "no! no! and splash! while laughing at the mama frog and papa dolphin" Too cute.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Getting the laundry put away - there were nine loads of laundry to put away. I'm getting caught up slowly but surely.
✿ Watching the kids imaginations run wild - I love how they play together. Play cooking is awfully fun to watch. Dallas feeds me imaginary food all the time. Robin likes to make me imaginary tea.
✿ Letting someone else make dinner - Doug made pizza
✿ Gift cards in the mail - Doug's aunt sent a gift card for Warren so now we can buy more cloth diapers. Maybe I can start washing every other day instead of everyday. I really fear what might happen if I forget to dry them in the morning
✿ The music of Fiddler on the Roof - Robin sings every song with me. Dallas is learning them too. They love to dance to them too.

Today was the last day of a three day weekend for Doug. Warren is just over three weeks now and we finally heard from Doug's parents. They live in Bothell, just over an hour away. They didn't want to make plans to see him but talked to Doug about Linux. I am at peace with it. My kids can learn how grandparents are usually more interested by hanging out with friends who have involved grandparents. They got to see a fine example of what a grandma is like on Friday when we met Victoria and her mother-in-law Irene for a trip to the Seattle Childrens Museum.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Having reptiles, life wouldn't be complete without them
✿ Car carts at grocery stores - how lucky are kids these days
✿ Skagit Valley Food Co-op's cloth diaper section. If I still lived in Lynnwood I wouldn't know where to go but Bellevue to buy a Snappie when I misplaced the only one I hard or buy a daiper cover when it turns out all the smalls I had are missing
✿ Costco having a growing selection of gluten/dairy/soy free snacks. Today there was a bag of jalapeño chips for Doug and a bag of Veggie Crisps for the kids and I
✿ Freddy Land - The playland at Fred Meyer. Robin has such a good time playing there and the attendant always puts on Mary Poppins per his request. When we got there today A Bugs Life was playing. He said to me "Mama, this is a bad movie and it's scary so she will turn on Mary Poppins for me and I will be happy." I don't remember A Bugs Life being scary but I have not watched it since having kids to try and see it from their perspective. He was right though, as soon as he was in, she changed the movie for him.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Wikipedia - without it how could I know what coconut gel really is? It has to be the best tasting stuff on earth. It almost tasted like bubble gum, but almost like juicy fruit gum. It's chewy and fruity and so yummy, after you have tried it you will think of it all the time. It's a product fo the Philippines and it's made from fermented coconut water.
✿ Sunny days - Doug got to take Robin and Dallas out to play today. They love going out and helping Papa in the yard
✿ Three day weekends
✿ Memories of Monday playgroups - yep good times.
✿ Trying new things - like coconut gel! I have a bunch of new bean thread noodles to try and a couple from other things like sweet potato too.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Purple mylar balloons
✿ How my dad always calls on valentines day
✿ The sweet card from Doug
✿ Five minutes to cuddle before a child needed attention again
✿ A lucky guess on the code my three year old set locking me out of playing any DVD rated over G

As if it were possible I got even less sleep last night. I got to bed around 4ish and got up when Doug said it was time to go at 6:45. All things considered, the day went really well. Doug drove is all to his work and I slept for the last 30 minutes of the trip. Robin was awake the whole time and still awake when Doug parked the car and went into the office. I asked Robin if we could sleep in the car for a while and he said sure but 10 minutes later I awoke feeling guilty to make him sit there and wait so I got up and drove to the Pacific Science Center.

It took just over a half hour to get all the kids set and the stroller packed for a day out. Two of three needed diapers changed, one needed clothes changed, a bag with just enough diapers’ needed packing and snack cups needed refilling.

We couldn’t stay long before going to meet friends for lunch but they had a good time and barely wanted to leave.

They liked the lunch I packed! I always worry about that.

They had a great time at the Seattle Children’s Museum. It’s strange how the second we set foot in that place the kids loose the ability to hear me. It’s all children’s museums, not just one.

The kids fell asleep ok the way to the parking garage and Warren was the only one awake when we got to the car. He has to be put in first and didn’t like that. The older two slept through the crying though. Putting two heavy sleeping children into car seats in the back of the van was not easy but somehow I made it happen. After changing and nursing Warren we picked up Doug and went to Uwajimaya. That’s a fun store. Robin woke at the end in time to see a couple things we don’t see everyday. He wanted to try chicken feet but I talked him into crab instead. I told him we could try them another day. I wasn't prepared to figure out what to do with chicken feet. We drove home, I napped another 30 minutes. When we got home I sat to read stories and nurse the baby while Doug cooked crab and clams. We had Mochi for desert which Robin liked but oddly Dallas did not. Friday is movie night but I went up to bed while they watched something. It was a good day, a really good day.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Perfect parking spaces
✿ Packed lunches that the kids want to eat
✿ Friends to go places with
✿ Impromptu trips to Uwajimaya
✿ Coconut lychee jellies Yum!

I know that this will come out as sentimental and just plain mushy but I love my kids. As easy as my third birth was, something in me changed a little. It's not that I didn't appreciate my children before but I am constantly thinking about how blessed I am. Maybe I felt my mortality a little bit. There isn't a single time I touch my children that I'm not thankful that I have them. I am so lucky to get to be a part of their lives. I am so blessed that everyday I get to look at their excited faces, kiss their cheeks and hold their little hands. I'm so joyful that I get to be their mother that it brings tears to my eyes. I can't even find words that fully express how I feel about them. Sometimes it's hard not to dwell and just live in the moment.

I love to watch them play and hear what they have to say. Dallas is just starting to converse and some words he has down very well. Just yesterday he clearly said his first three syllable word Papaya. He repeats most anything you say but cautiously in a quite growl. He and Robin communicate well together though. They have something between them that I can never be part of and it is so special. I really want to foster that for them. Robin is going through a tough time right now, changing from a toddler to a kid. Part of him wants to stay a baby but part of him wants to grow up too. It's sad to watch sometimes. Once you grow up you can't really go back. When I can see he is conflicted I tell him no matter how big he gets he will always be my baby. He has started to tell me that when he is feeling the pressure to be big but wants to be little. I can see it really helps him.
He is turning into such a thoughtful boy. He went through a selfish phase for a while, not wanting to share and what not but he's coming around. Today he saved half his cookie for his friend. If I make him cookies he gets so excited, they are really special to him. It took a lot of self control to not eat the whole thing, it was the last cookie after all. In the car on the way home from Seattle Dallas woke up crying and Robin passed him his snack cup. I had just given it to Robin not five minutes before because he told me he was hungry. I asked him where his cup was and he told me "I gave it to my brother because he was hungry too and I want to take care of everyone." I was so proud to hear that. He said it with such concern. (I found him the other snack cup too)

Although I'm excited to get to watch them grow and I know they need space to do that, part of me fears that I will someday lose them. That has to be my biggest fear, losing them in some way. I have worried that as they get older I might do something to drive them away but then I realize that the very act of worrying about it helps shape the future so that history won't repeat it's self. Doug and I as parents put thought behind everything we do. We don't subscribe to the school of thought of "That's just what you do." We have heard that a lot in the past from family as an excuse for doing this or that "That's just what people did." I believe in following your heart but there is no excuse for a "No brainer" in my book. At anytime if I let my guard down and try to connect with our extended families it's usually because I have wondered if our parents might feel the same way I do about my kids, but all I find at the end of that road is disappointment.

Today started with waking up after only 3 hours sleep to Dallas screaming in my face. This of course woke up Warren. Dallas rams into you while he sleeps so can not sleep near the baby. He also will climb me in his sleep so really he can’t be near me while sleeping. I cried for a good solid 10 min about the sleep I wasn’t getting. I finally got Warren settled and went back to sleep. Robin woke up next and after arguing with him about if he could gold the sleeping baby or not, he went down stairs to play.

The second time I fell apart was after cooking breakfast and serving the kids Warren needed to nurse and I couldn’t get my water bottle, I had just given up my breakfast so the boys could have seconds and when I asked Robin to get my water for me he said no. I was just tired and hungry. Eventually he did get me that water.

Dinner took me 4.5 hrs to make. I mean I was chopping, stirring and actually working on it the entire time, between diaper changes and feeding all the kids. I managed to pull it off without getting too upset about it. I guess that’s just how it goes some days. It seems most of my problems come from lack of food and sleep. It has to be just a phase that we will pass sometime. If I can hold on until the weekend I can sleep again. As for food, well no one will feed me but me so I guess that might be awhile. Now on to the gratitude.


I'm grateful for:
✿ That I had enough tears to make it through the day because it really sucks to run dry
✿ Owning two slow cookers so I could make two kinds of chili, one with beans for the family and one without for me (my babies get colicky if I eat beans)
✿ Crickets in stock at the pet store so the frog and Dragon get dinner too
✿ That even though this was my hardest day yet, I was able to help Doug feel better after his terrible day at work
✿ Cool looking latex free bandaids that apparently take away the pain of nearly having your finger severed by the parrot (poor Robin)

Doug worked from home today because we missed a lot of sleep last night. Dallas wouldn't go to sleep, Warren cried for most of the night because every time I got him to sleep Dallas would try to pick him up. After Dallas fell asleep Robin woke up. Doug slept through most of it
last night so I slept in today. Warren was happy to sleep in with me most of the time too.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Easy to win badges on pogo
✿ Learning that the key to happiness is not in material goods
✿ My ability to cook and please my family
✿ Watching Robin do a happy dance for getting cookies that he can eat too
✿ Seeing that Dallas naturally eats cookies like Cookie Monster whom he has never seen in this lifetime

It was a difficult day today. I didn't get much sleep and even though
the kids were tired too they wouldn't let me take a nap. Hopefully
tomorrow will be a better day.

I'm grateful for:
✿ New friends
✿ Old dogs
✿ The yard when it's covered with snow and lit up by the moon
✿ Doug bringing me comfort food after I have had a bad day
✿ Tomorrow so I can try again

There is so much pressure to pick the right seeds for the garden. This pressure is mostly self imposed. Doug is putting on the pressure to get them ordered now but I'm the one worried about choosing winners this year.

Last year we did ok. I ordered a bunch of beans and they didn't grow well if at all. The cukes didn't even come up, not a single one of the three types we planted.

We had some real sucesses too. We had never grown lettuce before, it just wouldn't sprout but last year we had amazing lettuce. It was our best crop. The spinach did amazing as well. The tomatoes fruited a lot longer than usual because of the hoop house Doug built. He plans on making two more. The peppers didn't grow much but they never really have. The hoop house wasn't built until late last season so it didn't help the peppers much. I have higher hopes for this year.

We do ok with carrots, beets and peas. Usually the zuchini turns out ok but the variety we planted last year rotted really easily. Green beans have never been a problem before so I guess I need to order them from a different source. We have had brocoli grow well too but haven't had a caulifower reach maturity yet. We rock radishes. It's just too bad I don't like to eat them.

Potatoes and pumpkins pop up volunteers from years pasts plantings. The goats are also being moved to a lower pasture for the year and the three sisters, corn, beans and squash will be planted where the goats have been.

It sure would be nice to have an herb garden too. I have tried before but I can't seem to keep up with the weeds in an herb garden and a vegetable garden. I had some plants going for a couple of years but Doug tilled them in on accident. I actually cried when he destroyed my thyme. I still have sage out there.

I'm not sure how much I can do this year. So far Warren seems to be a baby who requires holding all the time. If he is awake and I set him down he screams. Robin was the same way except Robin would wake up if you set him down too. Warren will at least let me put him down sleeping. I'm sure I will be able to get the plants and seeds in the ground but this year I need an irrigation system. Last year I used a watering can and watered once or twice a day and it took just over half an hour to do in the begining. Did I mention how large the garden is? 33' x 45'

I found this great weeding tool at the feed store last year. It's called the hula hoe. It's a circular hoe and you just rub it back and forth over the seedlings and it uproots them with ease. Usually the garden is more of a treasure hunt through the weeds looking for edibles but the garden looked real last year. I'm certain this year I can keep it up at least partialy. Robin and Dallas will love the chance to go out and play everyday while I weed the garden and I can wear Warren on all but the hottest days.

I'm grateful for:
✿ Not hurting myself too badly when I slipped on the porch and fell
flat on my back
✿ The baby didn't get hurt when we fell
✿ Doug gave Toto (the dog formerly known as Junior) a hair cut
✿ A thick glass jar for the coconut oil since I dropped it and it
bounced instead of breaking
✿ I'm very grateful I made it through my first day alone and still
managed to have dinner ready when Doug got home

I'm grateful for:
✿ Seeing the sun rise before falling back to sleep
✿ The smell of a babies breath
✿ Invites to birthday parties
✿ Coming home to a freshly vacuumed rug
✿ Doug staying home two weeks

I'm grateful for:
✿ Big tight hugs that squeeze the breath out of you
✿ The realization that we are the only family we really need and won't
let the lack of extended family interest get me down anymore
✿ A clean van (interior)
✿ Homemade play dough
✿ Tight fitting carseats

It's getting harder to be original everyday but I suppose that's the point. Five things to be grateful for doesn't sound so hard, it's putting them into words that is. I keep noticing moments and thinking "I'm so grateful for right now" but if I tried to write it down I'm sure it would turn into a long boring story much like this has.

I'm grateful for:
❄ Children, everyday
❄ A freshly cleaned litter box which is NOT what I'm smelling right now
❄ Sleeping in on what feels like the last day I may ever sleep
❄ The many years of Sci Friday we watched while Stargate was still on
❄ Silly cats who play with the kids toys after the kids go to bed

Yesterday when I finally had a chance to sit down and write my five daily gratitudes it was 12:03. I was three minutes too late and this app won't let you cheat and back date. To me, if I'm still awake the day hasn't changed yet so I went ahead and wrote them down anyway and decided to post 10 today instead.

I'm grateful for:
❄ Sleeping in with baby
❄ Kisses from my kids
❄ Medium starting up again
❄ Forgetting what day it is and finding 24 recorded and waiting
❄ When my children are nice to each other

❄ The silence in the house when everone has fallen asleep and all you hear is the cascading of water from the fish tank filters
❄ Turtles
❄ Pogo games
❄ Watching a baby grow while he sleeps
❄ Coconut bliss

"Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining!" - Sonny Corinthos to Anthony Zacchara on General Hospital

Yes I'm a fan of General Hospital, I have been for years. I also watch One Life To Live but usually in fast forward these days. I'm not sure why admitting to watching soaps feels like a danger. Don't judge me for it! It's not like I sit around all day watching TV. The kids are not awake when I watch them either. I don't watch reality TV, I prefer my drama fake. No one really gets hurt that way. Doug hates soaps. I'm not even allowed to watch them in bed when he's sleeping, he says it keeps him awake. This from the man who can sleep standing up while in mid conversation. I have to either read subtitles, use headphones or watch downstairs after he's asleep. It's often what's playing while I wash dishes and fold laundry after every one else is asleep.

Today we went to the Seattle Aquarium followed by The Crab Pot for dinner. We have a membership to the aquarium and I have taken the kids quite a bit but Doug had not managed to ever make it down despite working so close. He was really looking forward to going today. We had a good time spending quite a while at the touching ponds. The fish that Robin loves was no where to be seen today but he wasn't too worried about it. Dallas is excited about all the fish but signed to me that he LOVED the octopus.



At the end of our aquarium tour we went through the gift shop. The boys picked out some frogs that have a flashing LED in their bellies. I always look at the jelly fish paper weights. I'm a big kid and I am still drawn to glow in the dark things and just love those sculptures. Doug surprised me and bought me one! It's so beautiful I don't think a picture can do it justice.

Everyone was hungry and we needed to eat dinner so we walked on over to The Crab Pot.
Robin loves crab maybe even more than I do and that's really saying something. Robin also has his fathers love for all things bivalve. In addition to a pound of crab to share we ordered a bucket of mussels and a plate of ribs for Dallas and I to share. Everyone loves this place. They put a huge piece of paper on the table and dump your crab, potatoes and corn cobs out in the middle and you all get wooden boards and hammers to crack or beat you crab with. After eating ribs and corn Dallas smashed potatoes and licked them off his hammer. Robin ate a shocking amount of food. He had some of everything then finished up any left overs nearly matching Doug bite for bite. Doug was kind enough to crack a couple legs and feed me too. Since I was holing the baby, I thought it best to keep my hands crab free since babies really shouldn't be exposed to shellfish. The ribs were wonderful though and the fries were great too.





While we were eating the people sitting in the next table over pulled a dine and dash. There had been four of them and they ordered a huge amount of food. The staff gave chase and caught one of the woman's purses. Since I was taking pictures of the family while eating, I had photos of the people sitting there. I offered them to the manager on the way out, he told us this time they had an ID so they could press charges but it has been happening very often and this was the third day in a row. I"m thankful that we could just go to The Crab Pot for dinner with out worrying about how to pay for it today.

❄Memberships to the aquarium
❄A husband willing to feed me crab in a restaurant when my hands are
full with the baby
❄The ability to pay for dinner at The Crab Pot
❄Pamela's Dark Chocolate Chocolate Chunk Cookies
❄My D90 for great pictures at the aquarium

I'm grateful for:
❄ Remembering there is a new episode of Big Love waiting on the DVR
❄ Sunny days so the kids can play outside
❄ A grateful husband for a turkey cooked well
❄The movie Ground Hog Day
❄Natural Cream Soda...Yummy

Snuggled in a carrier.

A sudden nap.

This is the Robin flower closing because it's night.

I've started a gratitude journal. It's suppose to be life changing. Everyday you write 5 things your grateful for and your suppose to do this for a month. I have a iPhone app for it so let's see if I can keep it up all month long. Here's my 5 gratitudes for 2/1.

❄ Listening baby snores
❄ I took a nap in the van
❄ Happy kids with snacktraps
❄ Uplifting and funny facebook notes
❄ Lettuce wrapped bonzai burgers

When I was 16 I ate a poppy seed muffin before going to the dentist. My nerves are all in the wrong place so I would have to go in an hour before my appointment to get numbed. Because of the pain of repeated pokings and my massive panic attacks at the dentist the would always put the nitric oxide on as soon as I sat down. This was a long appointment, two hours and so I was breathing the gas for nearly three hours and after my boyfriend drove me home, I puked the muffin up in the driveway. Since then before a throw up I smell nitric oxide.

I want to go to Indiana to show my extended family Warren but I also want to go on vacation somewhere tropical. Can I swing Indiana and Mexico in one trip?

I love pork rinds and don't understand why anyone would think they are gross. How can they be worse than potato chips or doritos? At least it's clear what's in them.

Everyone says Robin looks just like me but I think he looks like Papa
too.

Happy sleepers.

Dallas almost ate more mustard than anything else.

Mama and Warren