What is wrong with them?
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So now it's out, I'm over 6 mo pregnant and all the family knows now. Well I assume they all know. We didn't personally tell siblings but they usually hear from parents. It's not as if we have a really close relationship with any of them on either side, some even less others. So the verdict is in. They are all rude. I don't know exactly what to say. I'm a little surprised. Not a single family member volunteered a congratulations. My Dad was the first to know. He saw me at 5 mo. Let me start by saying I became quite visibly pregnant at 3 months, without a doubt pregnant not just pudgy. He said to me "Are you pregnant again?" I said "Why yes I am!" He said "Oh, I didn't know if you were pregnant or if that [fat] was left over from the last baby." Now, try to tell me that isn't unbelievably rude!!! WTF!! First off, he had seen me before I became pregnant and I had lost a ton of weight. I was doing great. I weighted less than before I got pregnant the first time by almost 20lb. I just don't know what to say to that.
Next was my mom. She came to one of the concerts with my Grandma and my niece. The look on her face was of surprise and shock. I admit I didn't come out and announce "I'm pregnant" but with her, she could say anything, usually offensive so I didn't, It was clear I'm pregnant no stranger had doubt. It's a long an complicated story but my grandmother prefers girls and while at dinner with my mom and grandparents, grandpa passed his camera down to show me "the" four generation picture of my grandma, mom, sister and niece. To my mom's credit she suggested that grandma could get a picture with me and my kids to. She said I suppose we could take one with everybody. Clearly not enthusiastic. My mom that same night asked me "when will we be expecting our little girl" I don't think I even answered the question she wanted the answer to I only said, "there's no guarantee that you will be getting a little girl." While talking on the phone to her a couple calls later she asked when the baby was due. I told her late January and she said "I already knew you know, you can ask Justin (brother) I told him months ago." I called her out on it. I wasn't going to say anything but couldn't hold it in, she started it and I couldn't just let it go. I said "You didn't know, I saw your face and yeah you might have guessed and said something to Justin but you didn't know. Not like last time when I tried desperately to get you to see me for 5 months and be part of my life. This time I didn't bother trying. I know you don't have time for me and that's fine. Why didn't even say congratulations or that you are happy for me? After all the trouble we have had with miscarriages and having such a hard time even getting pregnant you can't even be happy for me you just say 'I already knew'." She mumbled something about how no one knows what to say to me. I couldn't figure what she meant. Did she mean because of my previous miscarriages? They were all early and we don't even tell anyone until we are past that point. Did she mean to say I react oddly to a congratulations? I would have been so happy if she were to welcome my children but it's not as if she even wants to be a part of their lives.
Now on to the last to know, Doug's parents. Why were they last? They have been in and out of California most of the year. When they were back up here we usually didn't know and I gave up trying to go out of my way to contact anyone anymore. I won't announce something like this on the phone. I fear/hope that things get misunderstood when not in person. Let me give you an example. After our first three miscarriages we went to a fertility OB who ordered some extensive testing including testing where they compare your DNA for compatibility. This meant seeing a genetics specialist and UW and we had a very thorough family history review. We had to contact people on both sided of the family to get all the answers, Doug's parents included. Now even after getting information from both my maternal and paternal grandparents about all health ailment my extremely large extended family might have had including down to great-great aunts, cousins and uncles, my family had relatively few issues, most lives to very old ages and died of such. Doug's family on the other hand didn't have the knowledge to go back as far as mine did but was littered with ailments such as cancers, high blood pressure, diabetes, near every genetic ailment you might have commonly heard of was listed only as far back as his grandfathers generation. At the end of the conversation with his parents his dad has the nerve to say "If there's something genetic it couldn't be you Doug, you come from pretty good stock! (says the man who has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, boarder line diabetic, legally blind who's father died when Doug was a toddler of cancer) Ok clearly that flipant comment he made really hurt me. When a mother loses a child there is enough self blame, when she loses 4 it's a tremendous pressure. To have someone actually put the blame on you is just uncalled for.
Back to the point. We went out to dinner with them on Wednesday. At 23wks pregnant I already have people thinking I'm due now, strangers of course. When we got to the table Doug says "We were waiting to tell you in person, so I wanted to let you know we are expecting another!" His mom said "we figured you would be since you said you wanted more and it's about time again." No "Congratulations", or "How exciting", or "We're happy for you", just a "yeah we figured".
What is wrong with them all? I get more support from strangers than I do our families. The waitress at the restaurant had more enthusiasm then the grandparents did and yes I realize it's her job to act interested but really, come on.
Next was my mom. She came to one of the concerts with my Grandma and my niece. The look on her face was of surprise and shock. I admit I didn't come out and announce "I'm pregnant" but with her, she could say anything, usually offensive so I didn't, It was clear I'm pregnant no stranger had doubt. It's a long an complicated story but my grandmother prefers girls and while at dinner with my mom and grandparents, grandpa passed his camera down to show me "the" four generation picture of my grandma, mom, sister and niece. To my mom's credit she suggested that grandma could get a picture with me and my kids to. She said I suppose we could take one with everybody. Clearly not enthusiastic. My mom that same night asked me "when will we be expecting our little girl" I don't think I even answered the question she wanted the answer to I only said, "there's no guarantee that you will be getting a little girl." While talking on the phone to her a couple calls later she asked when the baby was due. I told her late January and she said "I already knew you know, you can ask Justin (brother) I told him months ago." I called her out on it. I wasn't going to say anything but couldn't hold it in, she started it and I couldn't just let it go. I said "You didn't know, I saw your face and yeah you might have guessed and said something to Justin but you didn't know. Not like last time when I tried desperately to get you to see me for 5 months and be part of my life. This time I didn't bother trying. I know you don't have time for me and that's fine. Why didn't even say congratulations or that you are happy for me? After all the trouble we have had with miscarriages and having such a hard time even getting pregnant you can't even be happy for me you just say 'I already knew'." She mumbled something about how no one knows what to say to me. I couldn't figure what she meant. Did she mean because of my previous miscarriages? They were all early and we don't even tell anyone until we are past that point. Did she mean to say I react oddly to a congratulations? I would have been so happy if she were to welcome my children but it's not as if she even wants to be a part of their lives.
Now on to the last to know, Doug's parents. Why were they last? They have been in and out of California most of the year. When they were back up here we usually didn't know and I gave up trying to go out of my way to contact anyone anymore. I won't announce something like this on the phone. I fear/hope that things get misunderstood when not in person. Let me give you an example. After our first three miscarriages we went to a fertility OB who ordered some extensive testing including testing where they compare your DNA for compatibility. This meant seeing a genetics specialist and UW and we had a very thorough family history review. We had to contact people on both sided of the family to get all the answers, Doug's parents included. Now even after getting information from both my maternal and paternal grandparents about all health ailment my extremely large extended family might have had including down to great-great aunts, cousins and uncles, my family had relatively few issues, most lives to very old ages and died of such. Doug's family on the other hand didn't have the knowledge to go back as far as mine did but was littered with ailments such as cancers, high blood pressure, diabetes, near every genetic ailment you might have commonly heard of was listed only as far back as his grandfathers generation. At the end of the conversation with his parents his dad has the nerve to say "If there's something genetic it couldn't be you Doug, you come from pretty good stock! (says the man who has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, boarder line diabetic, legally blind who's father died when Doug was a toddler of cancer) Ok clearly that flipant comment he made really hurt me. When a mother loses a child there is enough self blame, when she loses 4 it's a tremendous pressure. To have someone actually put the blame on you is just uncalled for.
Back to the point. We went out to dinner with them on Wednesday. At 23wks pregnant I already have people thinking I'm due now, strangers of course. When we got to the table Doug says "We were waiting to tell you in person, so I wanted to let you know we are expecting another!" His mom said "we figured you would be since you said you wanted more and it's about time again." No "Congratulations", or "How exciting", or "We're happy for you", just a "yeah we figured".
What is wrong with them all? I get more support from strangers than I do our families. The waitress at the restaurant had more enthusiasm then the grandparents did and yes I realize it's her job to act interested but really, come on.
