1:37 AM
Edit This
I saw Grandma Donna's body today. It was so strange. It looked sort of like her, but all the light was gone. That really doesn't cover it. There was a body there, it didn't look like real, it looked stuffed, more like an artists rendition. That was just the shell she wore. It is so clear to me that we are the energy inside the body, not just the body. You couldn't feel her presence in that body, she was gone and that was a profoundly sad realization. Where did she go? I don't know that. I certainly didn't stay long. I had something prepared in my head to say to her, but wasn't sure I still should since she was so clearly not there. I said it anyway in case she was near. Sometimes you can feel people near, and maybe she was. I'm sure I'm not the one who needed her most today.
Doug took it very hard. He went in first. He came out much different than he went in but he's not one to put his thought into words. I felt guilty because I was the one who wanted to go and clearly he was in pain after seeing her and there was nothing I could do to make it better for him. Did he really need that reality? He was doing fine with out it. We didn't take the kids in, I don't think Robin is ready for that sort of thing and they were both asleep anyway.
There were two things I couldn't help noticing. One was the smell of formaldehyde. It smelt like my junior high science room. The second was that she might have looked better without all the makeup. I mean seriously, it didn't help, it just made it worse. She has passed, and as disturbing as that maybe, I do wish it were a little more real. I mean we can't hide from it, and until I saw her body lying there it didn't seem real. I felt kinda angry that they mucked her all up, like it was disrespectful. There's my problem. I could see right in front of me that THAT wasn't her anymore but I still felt like the empty vessel she used to occupy needed to be treated with respect. After all it was hers for 89 yrs and she worked hard to keep it in good condition.
It was odd, seeing the shell that once held her beautiful light. And she really did shine bright. She lived a long life and fought through a lot. She lost her husband and she beat cancer. I can't comprehend losing my husband, he's the world to me. I don't know how she went on. It seems like she lived a full life as well. Looking at the old pictures, she looked like a lot of fun. She didn't just sit around wasting her life watching TV either she volunteered helping others both people creatures.
It wasn't in the cards for me to have the privilege of knowing her well and that is certainly my loss. Let us not forget Donna Messick and the impact she made on other people's lives. Smile at someone today in her memory for me if you could, lets all try to share the light.
2:38 AM
Edit This
This is so funny, I actually cried and almost wet myself!
